Last week, the Miami Spice announced they are looking for players. Hot ones.
Good looks are essential for the Spice because it will soon be a team in the Bikini
Basketball Association, a new female athletics league featuring girls clad in, you
guessed it, bikinis.
This hoops reincarnation of the Lingerie Football League is set to feature a total of
seven teams: the Atlanta Fleet Angels, New York Knockouts, Hollywood Hotties,
Orlando LadyCats, Los Angeles Ice, Chicago Desire and the Spice.
As a guy, I appreciate what they’re trying to do here. Sex and sports are top
priorities on the lists of many men the world over. And when you consider how
much money there is to be made in it, it’s kind of silly no one has tried it before.
But despite the sexual focus, the league claims it will exhibit WNBA-level
competition.
Really?
I’m not trying to say these girls couldn’t beat me in basketball, but they’re seriously
going to compare, at best, low minor-league level play to the best female basketball
players in the world?
The WNBA features the defending Olympic gold medalists, and is intended for
dedicated followers of the sport who appreciate the players for their skills and
talent.
The BBA, on the other hand, features women chosen for their looks and is intended
for perverted men, eyeing the players intently for the possibility of a wardrobe
malfunction.
I’m sure the BBA will feature some good athletes, memorable highlights and
dramatic championship victories. But all that will simply be overshadowed by the
fact that a bunch of women are running around half naked.
Oh, and if you’re not quite good enough to make it onto the court, they’ve got a role
for you as well. After the starting seven players and the backup seven, Desire owner
Donovan Price said another seven girls will be courtside for entertainment.
He told NBC Sports, “They will have to be good at making balloon animals,
performing on a trampoline and things like that.”
As if the whole girls playing sports in “barely there” clothing thing wasn’t
entertainment enough.
And yet, despite all the gimmicks and exploitation, proponents of the new league say
it will still promote serious athletic competition.
Don’t get me wrong, I think any kind of basketball is still more of a legitimate sport
than cheerleading, but promotion of the sport itself is clearly not the main goal here.
Listen ladies, I’m not here to tell anyone what to do. If you like to play basketball and
you think competing in a bikini would be a liberating and enjoyable experience, then
be my guest. I might even tune in for a possession or two.
Just don’t expect your athletic skills to be taken seriously.
Brian Alexander can be reached by email at alexander.record@live.com.